Sobhan’s Story
My name is Sobhan Namvar. I was born in Morgantown West Virginia to a Sicilian-American mother and an Iranian father. At the age of one, I moved to Iran with my older sister and my parents. We moved to Iran during a war that was happening between Iran and Iraq. Although we lived in the capital city of Tehran, we were not immune to the effects of war.
There was nothing pretty about growing up during the war. My early days of life were filled with bomb and missile attacks. Symptoms of the war would prove to be much more long-lasting than the attacks themselves. At the time, there wasn't enough research on what these symptoms are indicative of, but we later would find out that it was PTSD and chronic trauma that most children and adults of the war experienced. I was not immune to that.
Significant physical abuse, domestic violence, and ongoing emotional abuse would eventually take its toll. Years later my mother would make the decision to get us out of that situation by attempting to flee the country and giving us hope for a new life. This resulted in a three year attempt to cross the Iranian border. However, during the three years none of those attempts were successful because of the dangerous consequences of passing the border safely. But, my opportunity arose in four years, when I was able to come to the US. safely with the help of my grandparents in Boston, MA. Unfortunately I had to leave behind my mother and sisters. With patience and efforts my mother and sisters all eventually came to the US.
The years leading up to arriving in America were anything but easy. At thirteen years old, I dropped out of school and took to the life in the streets and started hanging out with older boys and learned the ropes. After a few failed border crossing attempts, we just bounced back and forth between a few places so my dad could not find us.
There are many details around not having enough food, clothes, or even a safe place to sleep. But we stuck together and survived day by day. During this time I picked up the sport of wrestling to be able to get stronger and defend myself and it consequently offered me a way out and many coping skill. I excelled in wrestling and in the day to day fights around the neighborhood. Eventually these fights would land me in enough trouble that my dad would be able to locate us.
By the time I was getting ready to go into the Iranian army at age seventeen (due to Iranian law), and as many of my friends were dying or being hanged due to significant substance abuse, fighting, or accidents. I decided to leave my family behind come to the United States of America, where I was born. I arrived in America with seventeen years of unresolved issues. The issues stayed at bay, and I continued to excel in wrestling and trying to hide my difficulties because the town I lived in (with my grandmother who took me in) seemed perfect on the surface.
The sport of wrestling, and emotionally white knuckling my internal difficulties, would land me a few State Championship titles and All-American honors in wrestling. My efforts on the mat would eventually offer me a Division 1 wrestling scholarship. My dreams of chasing my plan A, which at the time was being a World and Olympic Champion would get interrupted many times by knee injuries and other life difficulties.
Due to the early trauma, continued physical abuse, and a multitude of learning disabilitIes, I often did not experience the world around me the same as others. Night terrors, bed wetting, anxiety attacks, anger, inability to pay attention to detail, acting out, being very quiet and meek, acting much younger than my age emotionally, and just feeling lost in the world were some of the symptoms.
Soon I would go from an All-American wrestler and ranked in the country to working three jobs, going to school with no direction, feeling lost, and in search of the next plan. The difficulties of having only one plan in life kept creeping up like a bad nightmare. I was a victim until I was thirteen years old, and I had only been a wrestler up to this point. However, my perspective would significantly shift when an amazing opportunity to help build a wrestling team as a coach arose. The miracle of wrestling was at display again; this time, through the eyes of young people hungry to learn, connect, and grow.
My life did not start to change until I made some good decisions with some 1:1 support, coaching, and unconditional love from a person outside of my family who believed in me. At this time, I started coaching wrestling and falling in love with teaching the art that saved my life. Wrestling helped me leave the country, compete in many foreign countries, helped me believe in myself and make no excuses, but it also gave me a tool to connect with young people.
This resulted in finishing my degree and getting my Masters in Social Work.
The social work degree allowed me to work with adolescents in a variety of settings such as public schools and charter schools in both suburban areas and urban settings. In addition, I spent significant time in highly clinical settings of post hospitalization programs and a variety of therapeutic milieus, where young people with significant substance abuse disorders and major mental illness were being treated.
I am certified in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), experienced in running social skills groups, mutual aid groups, therapeutic groups for major mental health difficulties, physical training, and outdoor leadership.
In addition to clinical and school settings, I have been working as an LICSW for the past seven years with young people, adults, parents, and families in community settings. Much of my training encompasses activity-based youth development, personal training, 1:1 individual and group therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and resource connection.
My passion is to walk with or behind a person hungry to recover and grow as they learn to manage what is inside and outside of themselves. Reviewing and exploring new coping skills, developing grounding techniques, working to build a strong exterior as well as a stronger interior, and providing a safe, confidential, and real space are some of the assets I bring to this supportive relationship. I hope we have the opportunity to work together.
Why do I want to help others in this way?
I would love to say I have figured out the path all by myself and did it all on my own, but the reality is I’ve met some people on my journey who spent time with me, believed in me, and even had some difficult conversations with me.
It is important to have that person to be able to unconditionally, confidentially, and professionally open up to. Therefore, more room can be created to manage the day to day difficulties, as life doesn’t pause while we try to figure our stuff out. But also, to start to employ strategies to cope, recover, build, and become free. As a little boy who viewed himself as a proud “macho man”, I had a very difficult time with asking for help; but when the help was given to me in a real, anonymous, and creative way many doors opened up and I could feel myself thinking clearer and become more aware of my surroundings.
I am a true believer that what we heal in us we heal in our family lines. My daughter will never have to deal with my difficulties because I was able to work and continue to maintain those interior wounds. As we work on ourselves, we slowly become a little brighter and lighter, and before we know it, we are a beacon of freedom and hope for our family and loved ones.
Peace and much love,
Sobhan Namvar, LICSW